I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
