Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
