i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he thought i was a dude.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're making bets on your personal life
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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