she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
