I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
