I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
worst night to have a conscience
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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