I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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