i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
