Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
