Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
