...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
