Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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