If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
