If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
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He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
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Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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