you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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