i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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