i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
