i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
