UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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