Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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