Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
