i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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