my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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