it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
