I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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