Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
