make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
