I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
