Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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