Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
