How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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