Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
