Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
