is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
