She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
