I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
