My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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