if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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