Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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