careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
