All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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