Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
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Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
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A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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