one might say we're banned from that church
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
