two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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