I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
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it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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