I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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