i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
