Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Text me some of your sweat
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
