your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
