Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
