angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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