Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
