That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
