dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
