We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
