you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
