Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
