Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
