I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
