In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
