Fuck appropriateness.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
