Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
