Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
