Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
