I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My balls are so social today.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
