She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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