I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
