I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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