i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
