Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
